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I used to get told off for giving out Christmas presents to my family on Halloween. It took a while before I understood that Christmas is Dec 25, whereas Halloween is Oct 31.

I went to the bee keeper yesterday for 12 bees. He counted out 13. I said, “you’ve given me one too many”. He said, “that’s a free bee”.

A friend of mine found a load of BDSM equipment under his son’s bed. He asked me what they should do about it. Probably not spank him !

My youngest daughter is a keen mountaineer. I told her that I am making a model of Mount Everest. She said “is it to scale” ? I said “no, it’s to look at”.

My wife has been complaining to me that I don't buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn't know she sold them.

Never having needed to use a “Rapid” charger in my 6 weeks of owning an EV, this comes as a surprise to me :)

If you have an EV with V2G capability, Octopus are offering a rate that allows free charging of your car. Not really sure if any cars, other than those with Chademo, support V2G. Would need Octopus to provide a “charger” that also supports it.

Don’t ICE drivers have to stand there for ages holding onto the pump to fill the car ?

Apparently, the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just one byte and everything crashed.

I remember being made to walk the plank when I was little…. We couldn’t afford a dog.

It’s taken me 18 months to complete the jigsaw puzzle my wife bought for me for my 67th birthday. Feeling pretty proud of myself. It said 3-5 years on the box.

5 ants rented a flat with another 5 ants. Now they’re tenants.

My daughter saw the careers officer at school today. She can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer. The careers officer suggested tossing a coin 🪙 Think about it 🤔

I’ve got a great step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

I've recently been listening to country music played backwards. Since then I've been thrown out of prison, got my wife back, got my dog back and got my job back.

In the early 1950s the communists of North Korea, supported by China, almost completely over-ran what is now known as South Korea and pretty much demolished the country. South Korea was defended by the USA and the UN. The Gloucester Regiment lost a lot of its men defending an attack by North...

I made a graph of all the old girlfriends I have had…. It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

Got home last night and found the kids had been on eBay all day. I’ve told the wife that If they are still on there tonight when I get home, I’ll drop the price .