Joke thread

[Giller]

What do you call an unpredictable camera?
A loose Canon.

Why was Cinderella so bad at rugby?
She kept running away from the ball.

Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen?
Because pencils made him ask ‘2B or not 2B’?

How did the picture end up in prison?
It was framed.

 

[Biker67]

@Giller
You definitely win the cheesy jokes of the day award mate!

 

[Ian Key]

@Giller
You definitely win the cheesy jokes of the day award mate!

Challange accepted.

What's a pirate's favourite cheese?
Chedd-AARGH.

What's left when an explosion occurs at a French cheese factory?
De brie.

 

[Biker67]

Challange accepted.

What's a pirate's favourite cheese?
Chedd-AARGH.

What's left when an explosion occurs at a French cheese factory?
De brie.

You should be on the stage Ian.




Scrubbing it, after the funny acts have gone home!

 

[Ian Key]

You should be on the stage Ian.




Scrubbing it, after the funny acts have gone home!

Funny you should say that. I used to help build the sets for the local theatre group as well as do the sound and lighting but have never been a scrubber.

 

[T1 Terry]

You should be on the stage Ian.

Heading out of town?

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

What do you call a sad cup of coffee

A depresso

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

5 drunk guys will start a fight

5 stoned guys will start a band

 

[Giller]

I was in my car driving back from the pub. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, "One minute I’m on the phone".

Two fish in a tank. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing?

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.

My star sign is Pyrex. I was a test-tube baby.

I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.

That’s it, I’m done.

 

[Coulomb]

I was in my car driving back from the pub. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, "One minute I’m on the phone".

All perfectly legal, of course, as long as:

• you didn't drink enough alcohol to be over the legal limit, and
• you were only on the phone after you stopped at the request of the kind officer.

More for those that like to live life on the edge.

 

[T1 Terry]

The lady of the house is hosting a book club event and they are enjoying afternoon tea when the landline phone rings. One of the ladies answers it and there is nothing but heavy breathing coming through ..... She hangs up and heads into the kitchen to tell the her friend about the strange phone call, nothing but heavy breathing .... The woman grabs her car keys and says I'll be back in a minute, it's the husband and he has over done the running thing yet again and he will be waiting at the park

T1 Terry

 

[Micropop]

The lady of the house is hosting a book club event and they are enjoying afternoon tea when the landline phone rings. One of the ladies answers it and there is nothing but heavy breathing coming through ..... She hangs up and heads into the kitchen to tell the her friend about the strange phone call, nothing but heavy breathing .... The woman grabs her car keys and says I'll be back in a minute, it's the husband and he has over done the running thing yet again and he will be waiting at the park

T1 Terry

Did you make that one yourself?

 

[Ian Key]

I think it's based on one of @T1 Terry's life experiences

 

[T1 Terry]

Did you make that one yourself?

It's so old I thought it might be safe to run it out there again ..... how long has it been since every house had a landline? The original joke the husband is ringing from the pay phone in the park

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

I think it's based on one of @T1 Terry's life experiences

The only running that happens these days is sweat running down my back .... I couldn't run if my life depended on it, by the second step the knees would call time out and down I'd go in a heap .....

T1 Terry

 

[Giller]

The only running that happens these days is sweat running down my back .... I couldn't run if my life depended on it, by the second step the knees would call time out and down I'd go in a heap .....

T1 Terry

Noses run in my family hence the constant supply of tissues. :-8

 

[Black estate]

 

[Everest]

True fact: Dolly Parton once entered a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest and didn't win! Same thing happened to Charlie Chaplin & Elvis Presley. I can understand the last two. Neither of them look like Dolly Parton.

 

[Giller]

Close to the edge, down by the river
Down at the end, round by the corner….

If you know you know

 

[Ian Key]

Close to the edge, down by the river
Down at the end, round by the corner….

If you know you know

I'm more of a TD fan during their Virgin years.