Post your favourite joke! Keep it clean and PC!

[Cocijo]

Thought as a change (this forum says talk about anything that you want) we could post a few favourite jokes.
my starter:

“I thought that I saw a super hero once when I was a boy. It turned out to be just a depressed clown throwing himself off a building.”

 

[Ian Key]

My niece's favourite joke.

What goes black white black white black white?
A nun rolling down a hill.

What is black and white and laughs?
The nun at the top of the hill who pushed her.

 

[horse7]

A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.

The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"

The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

The bartender says, "No."

So the duck says, "Got any grapes"?

 

[Cocijo]

"I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it."

 

[smokie]

---

Wife texts husband on a cold spring day -"Windows frozen".

He texts back "Pour lukewarm water over".

A further text from wife, "Thanks, PC completely buggered now".

 

[Cocijo]

“Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy"

 

[Archev]

Thought as a change (this forum says talk about anything that you want) we could post a few favourite jokes.
my starter:

“I thought that I saw a super hero once when I was a boy. It turned out to be just a depressed clown throwing himself off a building.”

Well, I’m sorry, but the controls in these MG ev’s (all of them) are still very confusing to me. They’re perfect in Daylight and Reverse but I can’t get them to move at Night !!

 

[Ian Key]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch!

 

[Nicko]

Silly one. What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Half a maggot!

 

[DelBoy]

How many MG's does it take to fill a small car park?

Stupid question, it'll never happen, they're all stuck on a ship, not built, lost in the computer system, .... fill in your own issue......................

 

[Cocijo]

"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it"

 

[tsedge]

Well, I’m sorry, but the controls in these MG ev’s (all of them) are still very confusing to me. They’re perfect in Daylight and Reverse but I can’t get them to move at Night !!

What about Pootle mode?

 

[Archev]

What about Pootle mode?

Jings - if yours moves in that mode you have serious problems there boy.

 

[Cocijo]

"I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers."

 

[evcog]

What's the collective noun of a group of undelivered MGs?

A cloud of dissapointment.

 

[Archev]

I’ve been wondering - a vexing question I’ve been contemplating for a wee while now.
Could that MG4 breather leak be by Royal anointment ??

 

[Cocijo]

Bit sexist but just change woman to man if you wish…
5 secrets to happiness:
1 find a woman who can make you laugh
2 find a women who can cook
3 find a woman who’s amazing in bed
4 find a women who really listens to you
And 5 - the most important of all - make sure that none of these 4 women ever find out about each other.

 

[Ruislip Resident]

What do cal a three legged Donkey ?

Wonkey.

 

[Nicko]

How do you tell MG have computer problems? There is tippex on the screen.
How do you tell MG have fixed the computer problem? There is writing on the tippex

 

[Alb]

For the joke aficionados, try using the spoiler function if you want to hide the punchline.
If you place the punchline in a spoiler tag like this: [SPOILER][/SPOILER] you end up with (using Nicko's joke as an example)

How do you tell MG have computer problems?

Spoiler

There is tippex on the screen.

How do you tell MG have fixed the computer problem?

Spoiler

There is writing on the tippex