Joke thread

[salty]

 

[T1 Terry]

Did you hear about the company that is converting Jeeps to EV to retain their classic heritage ..... The company name is ASIF ......

T1 Terry

 

[salty]

 

[T1 Terry]

That's not gutter rash, that closer to "Park by sound by a deaf driver"

T1 Terry

 

[MG Clive]

View attachment 44187

Knowing some of the women on here @salty, I think you're a brave man to post that.

 

[Ian Key]

There once was a fellow named Salty,
Whose social skills started out faulty.
He wiped the slate clean,
Stopped being so mean,
And traded his "bitter" for "malty."

 

[salty]

Knowing some of the women on here @salty, I think you're a brave man to post that.

A bit of fun, Clive. Hopefully anyway.

 

[MG Clive]

A bit of fun, Clive. Hopefully anyway.

Of course it is, but you know women . . . . . . . . . right, I'm out of here.

 

[Micropop]

Of course it is, but you know women . . . . . . . . . right, I'm out of here.

While we're on the subject.....

PMS jokes are not funny
Period

 

[Micropop]

As a plane is about to crash, a woman jumps up and annonces;
- if I'm about to die, I want to die feeling like a woman!
She removes all of her clothes and says:
- is there anyone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up and rips off his shirt
- Here! Iron this!

 

[Micropop]

A woman sat by her makeup table, staring at into the mirror. She let out a sigh and said
-Darling, I've become fat and ugly. Say something positive about me, please!

- Your eyesight is perfect.

Before, just mentioning plastic surgery or other body enhancements was a taboo. Now if you mention Botox, no one raises an eyebrow.

 

[Micropop]

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. Eventually they are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"...

 

[Micropop]

Conversation between two northerners:

- Clive, if I shag your wife, are we then related?

- No, we're even.

 

[Everest]

View attachment 44187

Oy! Some of us know how to drive

Again!... though I guess she's scratched and dented a bit more than that alloy - all in a good cause though

 

[salty]

Of course you can. Twas a bit of fun.
(I think) Although I'm doubting meself now. Apologies.

 

[Rolfe]

I thought we'd agreed to keep it clean in here. Just a reminder.

 

[MG Clive]

I thought we'd agreed to keep it clean in here. Just a reminder.

Yes indeed, some of these jokes sound as if they belong in a Royston Vasey show.

 

[Everest]

I thought we'd agreed to keep it clean in here. Just a reminder.

Yes indeed, some of these jokes sound as if they belong in a Royston Vasey show.

Hmmm, so 2 moderators agree, but post #1512 remains?

Edited to add: I'm no prude having worked in a male-dominated industry for nigh on 40 years, and actually thought the joke was funny. But, not sure it's appropriate on here. JMHO.

 

[Micropop]

Ok, ok! I'll keep it clean(er)

Took the wife to a nightclub last weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips the lot. My wife said to me, "That guy proposed to me 15 years ago and I turned him down."
I said, "Looks like he's still celebrating."