Joke thread

[Giller]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

 

[Giller]

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.

 

[JohnV6]

 

[Archev]

Got any tinsel ?

 

[salty]

One missing?

 

[Archev]

One missing?

Pedantic SantaSalty

 

[salty]

Much better. Hoe Hoe Hoe.

 

[Giller]

Who let the hoes out…

 

[Everest]

One missing?

only one?... isn't it four candles?

Oops, wrong joke.

 

[Giller]

only one?... isn't it four candles?

Oops, wrong joke.

Oh bring on the classics

 

[Archev]

Oh bring on the classics

Well I paid for them with my apple ‘cos my blackberry was out of juice OK coat, door - I know the score.

 

[Giller]

Well I paid for them with my apple ‘cos my blackberry was out of juice OK coat, door - I know the score.

You had to be there. Let me hold that for you Sir….

 

[Archev]

You had to be there. Let me hold that for you Sir….

I hardly watch any TV these days. Are there any decent comedians / double acts these days ? Very few seem to get bye these days without a bunch of swear words. Having been brought up through life on building sites I know and understand most of them but there isn’t a lot of cleverness involved in their use. I hanker after the pure, funny, simple cleverness as expounded by the golden oldies like the two Ronnies etc etc.

 

[Rolfe]

There's a comedy sketch show on BBC Alba that cracks me up every time. OMC (O mo chreach ['s a thànig]). It has subtitles...

 

[Archev]

There's a comedy sketch show on BBC Alba that cracks me up every time. OMC (O mo chreach ['s a thànig]). It has subtitles...

You mentioned it a couple of weeks ago and I eventually bludgeoned my telly into displaying it and I enjoyed it.
I don’t think the Sony has seen any use since then. One of these nights I’ll retrace my steps on the doofa and find that channel again.

 

[Giller]

There's a comedy sketch show on BBC Alba that cracks me up every time. OMC (O mo chreach ['s a thànig]). It has subtitles...

You do know that Derry Girls had subtitles for the non believers?

 

[Rolfe]

You mentioned it a couple of weeks ago and I eventually bludgeoned my telly into displaying it and I enjoyed it.
I don’t think the Sony has seen any use since then. One of these nights I’ll retrace my steps on the doofa and find that channel again.

You press 7. It's that easy.

 

[Archev]

You press 7. It's that easy.

I’ve a numberless doofa

 

[Rolfe]

A couple of absolutely mental lads trying to kill themselves on the Bodach an Stòir right now.

 

[Ian Key]

I hardly watch any TV these days. Are there any decent comedians / double acts these days ? Very few seem to get bye these days without a bunch of swear words. Having been brought up through life on building sites I know and understand most of them but there isn’t a lot of cleverness involved in their use. I hanker after the pure, funny, simple cleverness as expounded by the golden oldies like the two Ronnies etc etc.

I know what you mean about the swear words but I don't find Billy Connolly's use of them offensive. I think it's because when he does use four letter words it's his natural speech pattern and they haven't been put in for effect.