Joke thread

[MG Clive]

I don't have much to say about the car that I haven't already said Clive.

Yeah I know mate, at least you've stuck with it, for now.

 

[LenEV2016]

What does a man who had a vasectomy have in common with a Christmas tree?

Their balls are both decorative

(Apologies to all the ladies)

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Everest]

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry:
“If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,
we'd all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response, GM issued a press release: “If General Motors had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the road for no reason. You would have to
pull over to the side of the road, close the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply
accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to
shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a
single “General Protection Fault” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let
you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold
of the radio antenna.
9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over
again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

 

[Big Ears]

 

[MG Clive]

This isn't even a joke, but it's so funny

 

[salty]

In response, GM issued a press release: “If General Motors had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the road for no reason. You would have to
pull over to the side of the road, close the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply
accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to
shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a
single “General Protection Fault” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let
you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold
of the radio antenna.
9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over
again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Sounds like an MG.