Post your favourite joke! Keep it clean and PC!

[Archev]

I've only ever been able to remember one joke in 62.9 years of life, no idea why.
So, here y'go. Please excuse me if you've heard it before ( surprised if you haven't).
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
A: No idea....
Q What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no idea.
Love it.

Just remembered I also know the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke too

When?

 

[DaevM]

When?

Don't know when, only why.

 

[Gadget Geek]

Just remembered I also know the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke too

Was it to get to the other side before the egg so it could come first?

 

[DaevM]

I love the simplicity of the original - to get to 'the other side'. Took me about 40 years to get it. I was always the guy with the nervous laugh thinking "no idea why that's funny"

 

[Fiver]

My wife has been complaining to me that I don't buy her flowers.

To be honest, I didn't know she sold them.

 

[Archev]

My wife has been complaining to me that I don't buy her flowers.

To be honest, I didn't know she sold them.

Hey guys forget all about petroleum, diesel , AND these EVs.
On the way home from my pointless sojourn to Tobermory for lunch today,
I filled up with moonbeams at William Wallace's dramatic moon ripper spike at Stirling.

 

[Fiver]

My youngest daughter is a keen mountaineer. I told her that I am making a model of Mount Everest.

She said “is it to scale” ?

I said “no, it’s to look at”.

 

[Rolfe]

What do you get if you cross a goat with a vacuum cleaner?

A kid that cleans its own room.

 

[Fiver]

A friend of mine found a load of BDSM equipment under his son’s bed.

He asked me what they should do about it.

Probably not spank him !

 

[Fiver]

I went to the bee keeper yesterday for 12 bees. He counted out 13.

I said, “you’ve given me one too many”.

He said, “that’s a free bee”.

 

[Fiver]

There are 10 types of people, ones that do understand binary and the ones that dont.

I used to get told off for giving out Christmas presents to my family on Halloween.

It took a while before I understood that Christmas is Dec 25, whereas Halloween is Oct 31.

 

[Archev]

I used to get told off for giving out Christmas presents to my family on Halloween.

It took a while before I understood that Christmas is Dec 25, whereas Halloween is Oct 31.

Listen up there. I thought I was doing well this morning. I figured out how to fill and operate the washing machine and then set the bread machine going to make an olive bread - both major achievements.
Then I see the above and I seem to have blown a cerebral fuse. I’ve hung up the decorations n’ baubles and I’m surrounded by chocolate eggs but I just can’t get it. I’m sure it’s staring me in the face but

 

[siteguru]

Decimal (base 10) 25 ... Octal (base 8) 31

 

[Archev]

Decimal (base 10) 25 ... Octal (base 8) 31

Many thanks - I’ll stay at the olive bread level - if it turns out OK

 

[OriginalBigAl]

Many thanks - I’ll stay at the olive bread level - if it turns out OK

Thanks, for taking one for the team!!!!!!

 

[Rolfe]

Decimal (base 10) 25 ... Octal (base 8) 31

Ooh, that's clever.

 

[Ferretusmaximus]

Oldie but goldie:

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick.

 

[Ferretusmaximus]

Another one from the late, great Barry Cryer:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Grandad.

Stop the funeral!

 

[Adam C]

My 8 year old grandson told me this …

What do you call a fly without wings?

A Walk

 

[Ian Key]

The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.