Post your favourite joke! Keep it clean and PC!

[Rolfe]

How many SNP MPs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has to get his wife to show him how to do it first.

(That's a really really old one, from much happier days, but the reference is to Jim Sillars and his missus, Margo MacDonald.)

 

[Fiver]

Got home last night and found the kids had been on eBay all day.

I’ve told the wife that If they are still on there tonight when I get home, I’ll drop the price .

 

[Ian Key]

Got home last night and found the kids had been on eBay all day.

I’ve told the wife that If they are still on there tonight when I get home, I’ll drop the price .

I had more success putting the wife on eBay

 

[Fiver]

I made a graph of all the old girlfriends I have had….

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

 

[johnb80]

There are 10 types of people, ones that do understand binary and the ones that dont.

 

[gnutrino]

There are 10 types of people, ones that do understand binary and the ones that dont.

There are 10 types of people, those that understand binary, those that don't and those that didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.

 

[OriginalBigAl]

There are 10 types of people, those that understand binary, those that don't and those that didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.

?:

 

[tsedge]

?:

That's the sign of a smooth operator.

 

[OriginalBigAl]

That's the sign of a smooth operator.

Its the sign of someone who had to look it up on Google!!!!!

 

[Fiver]

I've recently been listening to country music played backwards.

Since then I've been thrown out of prison, got my wife back, got my dog back and got my job back.

 

[Archev]

I've recently been listening to country music played backwards.

Since then I've been thrown out of prison, got my wife back, got my dog back and got my job back.

Sounds like
an MG bound for nowhere - ‘til the chargin’s done

 

[tonybridge]

The cleverest joke I’ve ever heard, from Bob Monkhouse:
‘People laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian - well, they’re not laughing now’

 

[Gadget Geek]

I think it was Russel Howard who said when someone asked him what he did for a living, and said he was a comedian, they said, "tell me a joke then". So he asked them what they did for a living and when he said, "I'm an electrician", Russel replied, "wire me a plug then".

 

[Fiver]

I’ve got a great step ladder.

I never knew my real ladder.

 

[Archev]

I’ve got a great step ladder.

I never knew my real ladder.

Huh I’ve got a tin of paint but we’ll gloss over that.

 

[Ferretusmaximus]

Oldie but goody.

Did you hear about the Scotsman that dropped 50p?

Hit him on the back of his head.

 

[Fiver]

My daughter saw the careers officer at school today.

She can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer.

The careers officer suggested tossing a coin

Think about it

 

[Rolfe]

Oh, that genuinely made me think for a wee bit!

 

[Archev]

Oldie but goody.

Did you hear about the Scotsman that dropped 50p?

Hit him on the back of his head.

On the way back up !!

 

[ozzz]