Post your favourite joke! Keep it clean and PC!

[Archev]

I think this one is still topical :-

 

[5teep]

If you know, you know

 

[Archev]

If you know, you know View attachment 23467

Even trying the old change kilts to blend in trick I see

 

[Ian Key]

Those MacAques always were trouble makers.

 

[Fiver]

I am thinking of organising a hide and seek party, but…

Good players are hard to find !

 

[OriginalBigAl]

If you know, you know View attachment 23467

Police try to keep a lid on Scotland's new winger to be unleashed on next weeks 6 nations rugby tournament.

 

[Archev]

Police try to keep a lid on Scotland's new winger to be unleashed on next weeks 6 nations rugby tournament.

Front row or In defence? His specialty is surely over defence

 

[johnb80]

BMW to recall 220,000 cars following a driver attempting to use indicators.

 

[johnb80]

I got fired today from my part time job on the meat counter after I'd set up the display..........

What did I do wrong?

 

[OriginalBigAl]

I got fired today from my part time job on the meat counter after I'd set up the display..........

View attachment 23541

What did I do wrong?

Not Humerus

 

[Archev]

Not Humerus

I got fired today from my part time job on the meat counter after I'd set up the display..........

View attachment 23541

What did I do wrong?

Was the tannoy playing “ Dem bones” at the time ?
Just complain to human sources ?

 

[Fiver]

My brother plays the guitar and he and some friends put a band together. They called themselves “The 999 Megabytes”.

They still haven’t got a gig.

 

[Fiver]

It’s a shame nothing is made in the UK anymore.

I bought a TV from Curries and it had a sticker on it saying built in antenna.

To be honest, I’m not even sure where that is.

 

[Archev]

I really find it quite confusing

This electric fuel I’m using

I’ve used a Granny for a charge

Or a wall device, a bit more large

When out about and running free

A rapid charge is the thing for me

And I must admit it all works well

At least as far as I can tell

Performance doesn’t seem upset

Chugs along and not stopped - yet

But watts and amps and kilothings

I’ve not a clue, my brain just rings

If charging here or charging there

In a dark wee car park or anywhere

Are cheap electrons any good

In that inverter under the hood

Should I stick to solar power

Or off-peak stuff in witching hours

Or if it’s nuclear generated

Are its credentials overrated?

That guy in the pub the other night

Is it possible he was maybe right

It’s better made with oil or coal

Or were his theories up the pole ?

As he spouts misinformation

Use his hot air for generation

 

[Fiver]

I put some air in my tyres at the local garage. It used to be 10p. It’s now 50p !



That’s inflation

 

[Archev]

I’d only reached the halfway point

When the battery up and died

My red machine was down and out

Man, I could’ve cried

I recalled MG folks on the Forum

And the acronym spouted by them

“Calmly sit down, stop crying

And remember to RTFM !”

Well, I tried that, but no help at all

The battery cells wouldn’t waver

For these cells are not in the car

And I can’t FTM for the shaver !!

 

[Fiver]

I had a kid's meal at McDonalds today.

His mum was not happy !

 

[Archev]

I had a kid's meal at McDonalds today.

His mum was not happy !

I had a coffee and cake at Greggs last night and their card machine choked on my card. So a delighted Scotsman was seen leaving the shop

 

[Fiver]

After many years of extensive and detailed investigation involving some of the best scientists in the world, the main cause of dry skin can be revealed:

Towels.

 

[Archev]

I’m often asked why we don’t have some way of extending the range of our journeys and, of course, I try to help and enhance the perception of our favoured mode of transport. So I try to help by showing the sort of ways we can mitigate any range anxiety as we’ve all been there and worried about these same issues in our pre and early adoption.
I distinctly recall dreaming up something like a trailer with a generator on it and went fairly far down that rabbit hole before two things happened.
One - I found that someone else had been and done it :-

Then two - it occurred to me that I might as well just go with the flow and have the engine in the conventional position under the bonnet.

Then I discovered someone had also sorted range anxiety in another way