Joke thread

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[Big Ears]

 

[LenEV2016]

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then, I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

 

[LenEV2016]

My wife told me I never listen to her. At least, I think that's what she said.

 

[salty]

I can clearly remember the day, my Mum and Dad, told me Santa was fake.
I was Heart broken.
I jumped straight into me car, and went to the Pub.

 

[Ian Key]

My kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Makes a change from turkey I suppose.

 

[siteguru]

My kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas.

Strange kids.

 

[MG Clive]

Strange kids.

Oh I dunno, as a kid, I'd have loved this cat.

 

[Everest]

View attachment 41773

Strange kids.

Or they could sell it for the value of the platinum and buy something more appropriate

 

[T1 Terry]

Oh I dunno, as a kid, I'd have loved this cat.
View attachment 41774

Can't remember the ones I worked on having a handle on the main boom ..... then, they didn't have that much paint on them either .... might have been a different model eh

 

[T1 Terry]

Old farmer has been having an affair with the widow in the next property for quite some time ... she suddenly passes away and in the will, her property and all her sheep are left to him ....
He gets his old dog into the back of the truck to move the sheep over to his place, when they are all herded together, the old dog drops dead from all the hard work ......
After counting the sheep he realises he now has 365 sheep and that was clearly going to be too much for him to handle, so he goes to the local country market come pet store and explains he needs a new sheep dog ...... Turns out they only have a litter of young pups, it would be quite sometime before they were skilled enough to handle that many sheep.

After explaining the problem to the store owner, he takes him out to another room where a sheep dog is laying on the lounge watching a documentary on a computer .....

The old farmer is a tad gob smacked over that, but asks if the dog will be up to the job ..... Certainly he is assured, this dog has a doctorate in animal husbandry, human phycology and mathematics .... he is studying to get his doctorate in astrophysics ..... and of course, the dog can talk ......

Absolutely stunned, he takes the dog home, they spend the night eating dinner and general chit chat around the fire .....

Bright and early, the next morning, he takes the dog to the top of the hill, looking over the large herd of sheep ..... He turns to the dog as say, round them up, the dog looks over the sheep, turns back to the farmer and says, you have 400 sheep ......

T1 Terry