Joke thread

[Archev]

As in Berlin and Go?

Nearest I’ve managed was Düsseldorf but I didn’t reckon that as a good car

 

[m4rmite]

Nearest I’ve managed was Düsseldorf but I didn’t reckon that as a good car

My escort was a smooth ride

 

[Ian Key]

My escort was a smooth ride

I hope you're talking about the car

 

[MG Clive]

 

[Everest]

My escort was a smooth ride

hope you're talking about the car

Evidentially not, because if it was a car it would be Escort, not escort

 

[Archev]

Evidentially not, because if it was a car it would be Escort, not escort

It wasn’t THAT long ago !
It was a Focus I was driving

 

[EVsince2016]

My escort was a smooth ride

Very expensive per hour to run though . . .

 

[EVsince2016]

My sons doing DoE.

My wife asks, "who is the Duke of Edinburgh, not Andrew, I hope?"

I said "no, he was the Dick of York."

My son responded, "he had his dick taken away and he's just Andrew now.

My wife said, "probably for the best"

 

[LenEV2016]

Evidentially not, because if it was a car it would be Escort, not escort

Stole @siteguru job

 

[Ian Key]

Stole @siteguru job

And points in the Contributor competition

 

[m4rmite]

Evidentially not, because if it was a car it would be Escort, not escort

Who says my lady ain't posh enough for a capital E

 

[T1 Terry]

An oldie but a good one, hope I get it right

Andrew spots and ad for a 15 yr old Escort and the price looked good, so he paid immediately, no questions asked, and supplied his address.
That evening, there is a knock at the door, all excited Andrew answers the knock, only to find a young lad holding up a set of keys and a shiny old car parked out front ....

T1 Terry

 

[Archev]

Was it an eve ?

 

[T1 Terry]

Was it an eve ?

It was an evening aas far as I remember in the joke, does that cover it?

T1 Terry

 

[Everest]

An oldie but a good one, hope I get it right

Andrew spots and add for a 15 yr old Escort and the price looked good, so he paid immediately, no questions asked, and supplied his address.
That evening, there is a knock at the door, all excited Andrew answers the knock, only to find a young lad holding up a set of keys and a shiny old car parked out front ....

You say an oldie, but do we assume that is the (ex) Price you are referring to... going by the age mentioned?

 

[T1 Terry]

You say an oldie, but do we assume that is the (ex) Price you are referring to... going by the age mentioned?

I will leave that up to you to decide

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

Some true Australian humour from the great Barry Humphries in his Dame Edna Everage character role


T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

This is a very old joke, but still seems to be relevant

A day from the diary of a BMW driver...
"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!
The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!
He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

T1 Terry