Joke thread

[Giller]

Why did the farmer name his horse Mayo?
Because Mayo neighs.......

 

[salty]

Why did the farmer name his horse Mayo?
Because Mayo neighs.......

There you go....

 

[salty]

 

[Giller]

You know, 10 minutes ago I thought of the most hilarious post ever, one which would never be surpassed, but then I had to let the dog out for a pee and bugger me, can I remember it? Can I ****.

View attachment 45374

Bwahahahaha

 

[johnb80]

This one makes oy larf.....

 

[Black estate]

Me reporting mods modified comments on posts they modified , because I'm tipsy

 

[Giller]

I thought my new girlfriend might have just been the one. But after going through her closet and finding a nurses outfit, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I decided: if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

 

[salty]

 

[Giller]

View attachment 45392

Oh dear Cod!!!

 

[Giller]

I got into a taxi this morning and the driver said “do you mind if I put some music on?” I said “ no not at all” He said “Kiss?” I said “let’s just start with the music and see how we feel”

 

[Giller]

So, I was in a bar and two large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, "COOL accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them yells, "it's #### Whales you idiot!" So l said, "OK, are you two #### Whales from Scotland?" I don't remember much after that.

Moderator: Do not reverse moderator edits to posts.

 

[T1 Terry]

OMG my daughter said, I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person, all this time I thought he was just theoretical physicist ........

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

So, I was in a bar and two large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, "COOL accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them yells, "it's #### Whales you idiot!" So l said, "OK, are you two #### Whales from Scotland?" I don't remember much after that.

How many times do want to get into trouble in the same mth .... I only had one joke post deleted, and I didn't get any bonus points towards my virtual full car detail after being the top contributor last mth, I can't imagine what's in store for you, birthday cancellation at a minimum I reckon

T1 Terry

 

[OriginalBigAl]

How many times do want to get into trouble in the same mth .... I only had one joke post deleted, and I didn't get any bonus points towards my virtual full car detail after being the top contributor last mth, I can't imagine what's in store for you, birthday cancellation at a minimum I reckon

T1 Terry

Remind us again, what was your deleted post ?

 

[T1 Terry]

Young lad walking down the street and a car pulls up beside him and offers him a lift.
The young bloke takes one look and starts to walk faster ....
Car pulls up beside him again and tries to talk him into getting in the car
The young bloke cuts up through a park to get away
No sooner is he out on the footpath the other side of the park and bloke in the car is back, offering him $50 if he would just get in the car
Frustrated, the kids turns to the driver and says " Look, you bought a Jeep dad, live with it"

T1 Terry

 

[Giller]

How many times do want to get into trouble in the same mth .... I only had one joke post deleted, and I didn't get any bonus points towards my virtual full car detail after being the top contributor last mth, I can't imagine what's in store for you, birthday cancellation at a minimum I reckon

T1 Terry

Well I’m back. For once have read the crap I’m posting. Wish me luck.

"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."

 

[Giller]

"I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person."

 

[Giller]

"I'll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?""

 

[Everest]

"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."

Which reminded me...

Q: "Siri, why do I have such problems chatting up women?"

A: "Errm... this is Alexa"

 

[Giller]

I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”