Joke thread

[Black estate]

 

[MG Clive]

 

[Archev]

View attachment 45520

Is that what they call dry humour?

 

[Giller]

How do you organise a space-themed party?

You planet.

 

[5teep]

 

[Rolfe]

What do you get if you cross a goat with a hoover?

A kid that cleans its own room.

 

[Giller]

Studies show men who have sex regularly tend to live longer…..unless their wife finds out.

 

[Giller]

 

[Ian Key]

Notice in the gents of a local pub.

Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinals...
...it makes them difficult to light.

 

[Archev]

View attachment 45544

That’ll give you the runs right enough

 

[Giller]

Don't know if this a joke as it's true and an observation.

So many websites these days use drop down menus for entering your date of birth, when you get to a certain age by the time you've scrolled back to your year, you've forgotten why you're doing it.

 

[Giller]

That’ll give you the runs right enough

What has a hazelnut in every bite?

 

[Ian Key]

What has a hazelnut in every bite?

A. Squirrel sh... Topic

What's crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle?

 

[Giller]

A. Squirrel sh... Topic

What's crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle?

Armadillos

 

[Archev]

What has a hazelnut in every bite?

Duncan’s hazelnut chocolate

 

[Giller]

Duncan’s hazelnut chocolate

Chicken

 

[Giller]

View attachment 45520

I’ll ger yer coat…….

 

[Giller]

Did you hear about the dog floating around the ocean?
He's a good buoy...

 

[T1 Terry]

White South African team captain and the Aussie team captain are out on a sight seeing trip around Sydney. It's stinking hot and the Aussie captain suggests a quick swim at the famous Bondi beach so they can cool off a bit.
No way say the South African, too many sharks....
The Aussie captain laughs and says the beach is shark netted ....
how do you hold them up?
The Aussie points out a line between the chopping surface and where it smooths out .... "There is a line of Buoys holding it up"
The white South African slaps him on the back "Gotta hand it to you Aussies, we'd never get away with that back home"

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

Recently retired couple are out on their first shopping trip together. Husband picks up a carton of beer and the wife immediately arcs up that they can't afford that now they were on a limited budget.
Wandering around the shopping aisles while mumbling to himself, the wife loads up an arm full of creams and potions and the husband says, we can't afford that, but's to make me look beautiful ..... the carton of beer would have done that, and it was less than half the price ....

The medical team, after quite a long surgical procedure, managed the extract the full shopping cart from between his butt cheeks, but are still mystified about how he could have tripped and ended up while nothing but the handle showing .......

T1 Terry