Joke thread

[Gomev]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

See post #1371

 

[T1 Terry]

Might have been on here before ....

A young girl while spending quality time with her mother asked, when I was conceived, did you want a boy or a girl
The mother replied, to be honest, all I wanted was a back rub .....

T1 Terry

 

[Giller]

See post #1371

Seriously if I read all the previous posts I'd get nothing done

Sometimes the good stuff is worth repeating.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

 

[Lovemyev]

 

[MG Clive]

Seriously if I read all the previous posts I'd get nothing done

So just to be clear, in between telling jokes, posting pictures of your dinner, cleaning your cars, buying rubbish from Temu, and general posting other tosh on here, you actually get stuff done?

 

[Giller]

So just to be clear, in between telling jokes, posting pictures of your dinner, cleaning your cars, buying rubbish from Temu, and general posting other tosh on here, you actually get stuff done?

Oh Cod yes, I have a massive to do list, the beauty of retirement is if I don't get done today, there's also tomorrow, as for taking pictures of my meals, thats so I can remember what I had without having to ask the wife the next morning.

 

[Everest]

Why do you need to know what you had to eat last night? Surely it was OK if nothing happened... you'd know if it came back up or was rapidly expelled at the other end

 

[Archev]

Why do you need to know what you had to eat last night? Surely it was OK if nothing happened... you'd know if it came back up or was rapidly expelled at the other end

Pleeeese can we do a bit of the redacting, that seems popular nowadays, with those photos and posts.

 

[siteguru]

Why do you need to know what you had to eat last night? Surely it was OK if nothing happened... you'd know if it came back up or was rapidly expelled at the other end

You're talking (or )

 

[Giller]

I’m seriously going on to Dragons Den to promote my EBay, Temu, AliExpress. MG Titan pre order breahaliser, if you can’t blow sober you can’t buy.

 

[Rolfe]

I know what you mean about the swear words but I don't find Billy Connolly's use of them offensive. I think it's because when he does use four letter words it's his natural speech pattern and they haven't been put in for effect.

Nearly everybody I know thinks Billy Connolly is hilarious. I can't even muster a smile. Rikki Fulton, on the other hand...

 

[Giller]

Nearly everybody I know thinks Billy Connolly is hilarious. I can't even muster a smile. Rikki Fulton, on the other hand...

1.2K views · 3 comments | Sorry i didn't know the dog was Catholic 😂🤪 #lol #funny #viral #oxford #scotland #uk #laugh #comedy #enjoy #LikeFollowShare | Eja edhe ti...

Sorry i didn't know the dog was Catholic 😂🤪 #lol #funny #viral #oxford #scotland #uk #laugh #comedy #enjoy #LikeFollowShare

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[T1 Terry]

Very old series, but I thought they were funny

T1 Terry

 

[Giller]