Joke thread

[Archev]

NASA are reporting Artemis II found bones on the dark side of the moon…..turns out the cow never made it after all. :-(

Always thought that was a bit ambitious


AND we’re now sure which cat’s been at the fiddle

 

[Black estate]

 

[Technonotice]

I found the headquarters of the Welsh Secret Service today. It's at Llandestine

 

[JohnV6]

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Programmers don't change lightbulbs; that's a hardware issue...

 

[Giller]

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Programmers don't change lightbulbs; that's a hardware issue...

Oh ***

 

[Giller]

Not after bringing the M3 home to the stable last year I was driving along, sun out, roof down enjoying the moment when I got blue lighted by an unmarked police car who obviously wanted a word with me.

Now, pulling in as you do as a responsible driver I'm replaying in my head the last 30 mins or so driving and trying to work out what they wanted me for.

Cop gets out, danders over.

" Good afternoon Sir, is this your car?" says he.
"Afternoon officer, indeed it is" says I.
"Have you your driving licence on you?" says he.
"Indeed I have officer, here you are" says I.
" One moment please" says he wandering back to his car.

So I'm sitting there, sweating, couldn't think what I'd done (this time), and after a couple of minutes I see him coming back.

"Thanks very much Mr G, everything in order, off you go" says he.
Says I. " Thanks officer, wondered what I'd done" (did not say this time)
Says he "Oh we'd been behind you for the last 10 minutes and you'd been indicating lane changes, junction exits and pretty much been courteous to other road users, given it's a BMW we had grounds to believe it was stolen"

 

[Giller]

Not after bringing the M3 home to the stable last year I was driving along, sun out, roof down enjoying the moment when I got blue lighted by an unmarked police car who obviously wanted a word with me.

Now, pulling in as you do as a responsible driver I'm replaying in my head the last 30 mins or so driving and trying to work out what they wanted me for.

Cop gets out, danders over.

" Good afternoon Sir, is this your car?" says he.
"Afternoon officer, indeed it is" says I.
"Have you your driving licence on you?" says he.
"Indeed I have officer, here you are" says I.
" One moment please" says he wandering back to his car.

So I'm sitting there, sweating, couldn't think what I'd done (this time), and after a couple of minutes I see him coming back.

"Thanks very much Mr G, everything in order, off you go" says he.
Says I. " Thanks officer, wondered what I'd done" (did not say this time)
Says he "Oh we'd been behind you for the last 10 minutes and you'd been indicating lane changes, junction exits and pretty much been courteous to other road users, given it's a BMW we had grounds to believe it was stolen"

The best bit is as it's a true story, he asked me to take it to the redline pulling away so his mate and he could hear it in its 8200 rpm v8 full glory.

 

[MG Clive]

Well what about that, a BMW driver confirming the existence of the age old indicator adage.

 

[Giller]

Well what about that, a BMW driver confirming the existence of the age old indicator adage.

Well actually confirming I know where I’m going and like to share the moment

 

[Giller]

Don't wear headphones while vacuuming. I've just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum cleaner wasn't plugged in.

 

[Archev]

Don't wear headphones while vacuuming. I've just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum cleaner wasn't plugged in.

Excellent tip must remember that one

 

[Ian Key]

 

[T1 Terry]

View attachment 45791

Careful, glad the spelling is different

T1 Terry

 

[siteguru]

Careful, glad the spelling is different

T1 Terry

That must be an Aussie thing you're alluding to .. I've no idea what you're trying to say.

 

[decrep]

That must be an Aussie thing you're alluding to .. I've no idea what you're trying to say.

https://theconversation.com/slump-for-labor-in-yougov-survey-but-not-in-other-federal-polls-281116,

This is the different spelling. \Not sure how this happened, but somebody must be using an American spell checker.

 

[Black estate]

 

[Giller]

My sister just delivered a baby.
I knew she had it in her...

 

[Martinonline]

That must be an Aussie thing you're alluding to .. I've no idea what you're trying to say.

I believe @T1 Terry is agreeing with the spelling of the word 'Labour' as opposed to the use of the spelling 'Labor' in the Australian Labor Party. That US spelling is the only recognised use of it as the UK spelling is otherwise used.

When I worked with the Australians and Canadians we were always rubbing the US participants about their spelling.

 

[Giller]

What do you call it when a bull swallows a bomb?
Abombinabull...

 

[T1 Terry]

That must be an Aussie thing you're alluding to .. I've no idea what you're trying to say.

The Australian Labor party was established in a small town in mid Qld, Barcaldine.
It was formed by a group of very disgruntled shearers who were trying to get better conditions for the back breaking job they did, so a large group went on strike to pressure the Pastoralist to listen to their requests.
Instead, the Pastoralists brought in others who were less skilled and not part of the striking shearer group ..... all hell broke out in the main street of Barcaldine and in the end the bloodshed, a group formed under a large tree out of the sun, later celled the Tree Of Knowledge, and formed a political party to fight for the rights of workers.
These people were not particularly well educated, when the paperwork was drawn up and the officials and supporters signed it, no one realised the spelling was wrong, until it was too late, so it has been the Labor Party ever since.

At the moment, they are the only party strong enough to govern in their own right, the Liberal Party is virtually non existent and the National Party (the party that was formed by the Pastoralists, extremely conservative) only hold 8 seats.
For quite some time, the Nationals and the Liberal party formed a coalition and held power for a while, now even the cross benchers out number them in seats held in the parliament by coalition parties independently, if you consider the Qld Liberal National Party (LNP) 16 seats, and the Nationals 8 seats, the Liberals 18 seats, without them forming a coalition, the opposition party would be the Liberals, the Qld LNP and the Nats would be cross benchers .....

The Australian Labor Party (ALP) could hardly be considered a cowboy outfit .....

T1 Terry