Any MG jokes out there

[sido]

I’m quite new to this forum but wondered if there were any MG jokes worth laughing at.
I remember Skoda led the field with these. One I remember was,

Why do Skoda’s have a heated rear window?
To keep your hands warm while you are pushing it.

 

[Kithmo]

A guy was washing his MG with his son, his wife came out and told him to use a sponge instead.

 

[Kithmo]

My MG crashed into a French cheese truck the other day. There was de' Brie everywhere.

 

[Kithmo]

I hit a pedestrian in my ZS EV the other day. I got arrested for assault with a battery.

 

[Paul Mason]

I hit a pedestrian in my ZS EV the other day. I got arrested for assault with a battery.

Were you charged?

 

[sido]

This thread has made my day quite a few times now, keep them coming, I still Think Kithmo has the best one but I loved the parcel shelf clips and the multi post from Paul, I hope others have enjoyed the banter as well.
I think the d for daytime and N for night time is very close as well.thanks to all who have made th3 effort.

 

[awbugritt]

And it came to pass in the land called Shrewsbury I beheld a wonderous sight and it's form was beautious and I made a deal that passeth all understanding so there was the crossing of palms and of the shekels and it was good. But verily I say unto you later there was a deafening silence throughout the land and lo there appeared to be no proof as to the ordering thereof.
Then a fair maiden spake these words unto me, "Thou hast lost 1,000 shekels of thy 2,500 and thy monthly payment hath risen mightily by a further 76 shekels!" And lo I was downcast and there was a rending of garments and a wailing and gnashing of teeth. And it came to pass that I departed from that land muttering," Thou canst scarcely organise a drunken revelry in a brewhouse." So verily the joke is upon me.

 

[Kithmo]

Were you charged?

Initially yes, but when they dropped the charge I had to call out the AA.

 

[Paul Mason]

And it came to pass in the land called Shrewsbury I beheld a wonderous sight and it's form was beautious and I made a deal that passeth all understanding so there was the crossing of palms and of the shekels and it was good. But verily I say unto you later there was a deafening silence throughout the land and lo there appeared to be no proof as to the ordering thereof.
Then a fair maiden spake these words unto me, "Thou hast lost 1,000 shekels of thy 2,500 and thy monthly payment hath risen mightily by a further 76 shekels!" And lo I was downcast and there was a rending of garments and a wailing and gnashing of teeth. And it came to pass that I departed from that land muttering," Thou canst scarcely organise a drunken revelry in a brewhouse." So verily the joke is upon me.

This would be a better joke were it not the truth!

 

[sido]

I thought it was about time for another one so how about this.

A man in his 40's bought a new MG5 and was out for a nice evening drive. The windows open the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch an MG5" he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 115... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The officer came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me a good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says,
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer

 

[sido]

And another

A man in a pub is telling his mate about a strange death which occurred in his neighbourhood.
“This guy I know is a bit thick but well known local car thief, he has a gadget which reads electronic keys and he is able to access the car and drive away. But, having been to prison so many times he decides to end his life, he steals an MG5EV starts it up and drives to his garage, locks the doors and goes to sleep, thinking he won’t wake up.
In the morning he wakes up perfectly fine.”
“ I bet he was shocked “ said the mans mate.
The Man says, “well as it happens he was but even more shocked when he tried to hot wire the car”
Apparently the death certificate read, “Cause Of death inability to differentiate his Negatives and Positives”
The local paper carried the story its headline read “Local man had a highly charged life and death”

 

[sparkygoat]

Scare your passengers s**tless by teaching your two year old son to turn round then point at the back seats and say "who's that sad little boy?" . Especially good at night when driving on quiet smooth road surfaces.

 

[Kithmo]

What do Tesla drivers call an MG with a sunroof ?
A skip.

 

[Kithmo]

I gave my Pedestrian Collision Avoidance system 8/10 the other day. The other 2 jumped out of the way.

 

[sido]

What do Tesla drivers call an MG with a sunroof ?
A skip

 

[sido]

A Tesla driver pulls into his drive and puts his car on charge.Early in the morning a guy appears ( an MG5 driver) and pees all over the bonnet. The alarm goes off and the owner confronts the guy. “You are sick “he says “you need counselling“.The guy apologies profusely and says how embarrassed, seriously embarrassed he is and agrees to go to counselling. The Tesla driver thinks that will probably do and he can get back to sleep. Three weeks later at 4.00 am he sees the same guy sizing up his car he dashes downstairs but he is too late to stop him from peeing all over his bonnet again.
He shrieks at the guy, “you told me you would go to counselling to get cured”. “ Yes “said the guy, ” I did go to 3 weeks of counselling and I am completely cured now, I am not at all embarrassed any more”!

 

[sido]

The Batmobile has failed its MOT and Batman has his new MG5 EV and is patrolling Gotham city when Superman drop down beside him. They haven’t seen each for ages so they agree to meet at a well know bar for drinks at 8.00 pm. Superman is renowned for his punctuality but Batman is waiting at the bar and after two hours Superman has still not appeared so he drinks up and goes home to the Batcave. Next day Batman is driving his MG5 EV through Gotham city when Superman swoops down beside him. He apologises to Batman for not turning up but says he was unexpectedly detained. Over the years Batman and Superman have been rivalling to get Wonder Woman ‘s attention but not succeeded so far.
Superman starts to explain that he was flying fast over Gotham City on his way to the meet up for drinks at the bar when he looked down and saw Wonder Woman laying naked on the roof of building. He said he couldn’t resist, he swooped down prepared to engage in hot sex.
My goodness Batman said I’ll bet she was surprised.
I suppose she was said Superman but not nearly as surprised as the Invisible Man who took the full force of my thrust.

 

[Knuttt]

I' can't believe nobody has said "the infotainment system" - surely it's a joke right?!?

 

[Lguk]

At the moment the biggest joke is 'you can have it next month' 7 months running.

 

[Archev]

The girl didn’t trust me or the MG sat nav so I packed packed my stuff and right.

 

[weedavemac]

The girl didn’t trust me or the MG sat nav so I packed packed my stuff and right.

Brilliant