Any MG jokes out there

[sido]

I’m quite new to this forum but wondered if there were any MG jokes worth laughing at.
I remember Skoda led the field with these. One I remember was,

Why do Skoda’s have a heated rear window?
To keep your hands warm while you are pushing it.

 

[sido]

A man in India gets his MG5 LR after months of waiting. He intends to use the car travel to the factory where starts work at midnight.
First he is removes the windscreen, then the bonnet and after that the plastic cover tray and finally installs a frunk box.
At around 11.30 pm he fits a child car. seat in the frunk and then two pieces of string, one to each side of the steering wheel. With his ten year old son installed on the car seat with a piece of string in each hand he is about to set off when his neighbour shouts out “ I see you come up with a technical solution to dim headlights, the Chinese could learn a lot from us indians!”

 

[sido]

In the sequel, the Chinese designer is sent to India to investigate this new technical solution. He spends two weeks with the owners of MG. 5 EV’s. He looks at most of the extensive alterations owners have made and his report to head office reads as follows:

One family of seven have tied a fridge freezer on the roof and plumbed a dishwasher in the boot. The fridge freezer has 8 solar panels tied with rope to the doors which charge the car battery during the day and run the air conditioning. They have changed all hinges on the doors and made them gull wing, they sleep under them at night. They have a 12volt tv to watch the football. They have an illegal connection to the mains power through a street lighting pole. They even have heating for when it gets cool in the evening by fitting flexible ducts to the car heater outlets. In essence they have made a home free of utility cost from our car. The best innovation I have seen is to remove the windscreen wipers and adjust the windscreen washer angle so the it squirts out towards the door mirrors, two of them shower at time using this innovation.

Please accept this as my notice, I have decided to buy my MG 5 EV and stay here, my wife and family are joining me at the weekend.

 

[sido]

John and Tom are neighbours and meet in their drives one morning when Tom opens his mg5 EV Excite boot and takes out a brass lantern, he rubs the lantern and out pops a Genie and ask what he wishes for today, he asked for a cup of tea and genie delivered it piping hot almost immediately. John who has the MG5 EV Exclusive see this and thinks he can do much better, so he offers Tom his car in return for Toms car and the brass lamp. After carefully thinking about it Tom agrees. They change the cars over to their own driveways.
Next morning John comes out to his MG5EV Excite opens the boot gives lamp a quick polish and out pops the Genie what will you wish for today says the Genie. John says I’ll have a million pounds please, a new Tesla and a 55 inch tv. Ah the genie says, sorry but I only do coffee or tea, Tom waves as he pulls out of his driveway in his new MG5 EV Exclusive.

 

[sido]

An Eighty five year picks up his new MG5 LR in Birmingham and sets off to drive it home to London. He’s been driving for about ten minutes when his phones rings and it’s his daughter enquiring if he is ok. She has heard on National radio an MG5 car is being driven down the wrong carriageway of the M1 and was worried about him. The father said don’t worry about me there are hundreds of them driving the wrong way!

 

[sido]

A guy buys an Mg5 EV, after a week of ownership he goes back to the dealer.
I love my car it’s much better than I thought it would be , in fact I am delighted with it. But he complained, when I touch the car door I get a hell of a shock. Ah, the dealer thought how can I get out of this one, after a minute he said well you know you said you were delighted with it, all you need to do is say you are ecstatic about it and everything will be fine.

Sent from my iPad

 

[sido]

Mr Wing and Mr Wong are next door neighbours in Beijing, who are both waiting overdue delivery if there new Siac Reowe . They have both constantly contacted their dealer and have been told they will get a phone call as soon as their cars are available. The dealer notices that Mr Wing phones every day whereas Mr Wong only phones once a week and decides he should speak to Mr Wing to find out why he is ringing more often.
Mr Wing tells the dealer that he is very worried that when his car arrives that the dealer might Wing the Wong number! The dealer tells him not to worry and says bye bye Mr Wong.

Sent from my iPad

 

[JohnInFrance]

"you car will be at the dealers, ready to collect next month"

 

[sido]

"you car will be at the dealers, ready to collect next month"

“within the “ before next,” Few “after next, “S “after month

 

[Fluffykins]

 

[Fluffykins]

 

[Ian MG5]

WARNING to all mg ev drivers due to high winds and heavy rain your range will be severely be affected
PLEASE stay within 5 miles of a charger

 

[sido]

This ex marine goes to a marketing evening at his local MG dealer. He’s standing by the bar when a Chinese man walks up. They start talking about the New MG5. After a while The ex marine says to the Chinese guy do you know martial arts or judo etc. No, why you ask me this said the Chinese man is it because I am Chinese. No said the Ex marine it’s because your drinking my drink. Whallop!

Sent from my iPad

 

[sido]

A well dressed man driving his part exchange ICE arrives at the showroom to collect his new MG5 EV. His wife who has been running behind him catches up and as she gets her breath back the salesman offers her a cup of tea which she gratefully downs and says I am exhausted. She is always runs behind me when I drive the man says.
The salesman asks the man why he is buying the new MG5 EV, when his wife doesn’t even travel in it
Well, my wife won’t get exhausted when she is running behind me in this, he says.

no wonder they are in short supply! ( wives who run behind you in mean)


Sent from my iPad

 

[sido]

I was talking about my MG5 to my neighbour this morning and how complicated the technical drawings and details must be in Chinese.
Yes he said,only the Chinese could develop a whole language using tattoos.
( I didn’t mention there are between 6 and 8000 regularly used symbols in the Chinese alphabet.)

 

[sido]

This is not a joke but quite a funny episode which happened to a close friend of mine. He bought a brand new Mercedes C class auto. Had it a couple of months and after a visit from his daughter he noticed a rattling sound from the drivers side door. After looking closely and not being able to see anything which could be causing it he returned to the dealer. The dealer removed the door card checked all the cabling and closing mechanisms, oiled everything and put it back. My friend collected it and on the way home heard the same rattle. The car went back and forth at least ten further times and in the end my friend asked for the car to be replaced as the dealer could not stop the rattling. The dealer refused of course but offered to trade it in for another car of similar mileage and age but my friend really didn’t like the colour of the other car so said he would think about it over the weekend. That weekend his daughter visited again and he took her out in the car so that she could hear the rattling. Just as they pulled out of the drive his daughter reached up and removed the sun glasses from the holder she had left them in on her last visit. Needless to say the rattle was gone. My friend phoned the garage on the Monday and said he’d decided to keep his car even though it rattled.

 

[sido]

The owners of the MG car factory in China have broken all world records for sales and aftercare excellence and as a reward they organise to take the entire workforce on day trip to Disney land Paris. The day takes place and they return to work. The owners notice a clear downturn in productivity and efficiency. They have a meeting with the staff representative who reveals that the workforce have lost faith in the bosses who couldn’t even plan a day out for them. But we did plan, a whole day is Disney land Paris said the Boss, yes said the representative but you didnt check the height requirements on the main rides and none of workforce was tall enough to go on any of them!

 

[sido]

​

A member of the MG 5 forum dies and goes to heaven. First thing he notices are loads of clocks. There is one clock here for each person on earth says the Reaper, every time someone tells a lie, their clock moves forward one minute. For instance, this clock belongs to Donald Trump, if you watch it closely, it will move any second."
Click! The minute hand on the clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.

"Donald must be addressing the senate right now “ said The reaper, The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.'

The man and Reaper continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with cobwebs. 'Whose clock is this?' asked the man. "That clock belongs to the Widow Audrey. She is one of the finest people on earth. I bet her clock hasn't moved in a year or two."

They continued walking and touring heaven and seeing all the clocks.

When the tour was finally finished, the man said, "I've seen everyone's clock but one! Where is My MG car salesman clock?
The Reaper smiled and said, "Look up. We use his for a ceiling fan."
Sent from my iPad

 

[seasend]

Were you charged?

They should have put you in a cell

 

[Fluffykins]

There's a new road traffic offence. Apparently if you run over someone in an EV you can be charged with battery.

 

[ging353]

This is not a joke but quite a funny episode which happened to a close friend of mine. He bought a brand new Mercedes C class auto. Had it a couple of months and after a visit from his daughter he noticed a rattling sound from the drivers side door. After looking closely and not being able to see anything which could be causing it he returned to the dealer. The dealer removed the door card checked all the cabling and closing mechanisms, oiled everything and put it back. My friend collected it and on the way home heard the same rattle. The car went back and forth at least ten further times and in the end my friend asked for the car to be replaced as the dealer could not stop the rattling. The dealer refused of course but offered to trade it in for another car of similar mileage and age but my friend really didn’t like the colour of the other car so said he would think about it over the weekend. That weekend his daughter visited again and he took her out in the car so that she could hear the rattling. Just as they pulled out of the drive his daughter reached up and removed the sun glasses from the holder she had left them in on her last visit. Needless to say the rattle was gone. My friend phoned the garage on the Monday and said he’d decided to keep his car even though it rattled.

Doesn't say much for the so called job the garage did, does it?