Joke thread

[MG Clive]

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!

Only a Scotsman could get away with that one.

 

[LenEV2016]

Only a Scotsman could get away with that one.

There are some countries jealous they have to wd40 their zips

 

[Ian Key]

My wife asked me if she could have a bit of peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner.

I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

 

[salty]

 

[Archev]

View attachment 41548

An ev this isn’t

 

[Black estate]

 

[LenEV2016]

Fire and beer

 

[LenEV2016]

Fire and beer

In wrong thread

 

[LenEV2016]

Too many beers

 

[LenEV2016]

A joke for the frugal amongst us

A man says to his wife, “Grab your jacket I'm going to the pub.” She asks, “Oh, are you taking me with you?” “No, I'm turning the heating off.” ...

 

[salty]

A joke for the frugal amongst us

A man says to his wife, “Grab your jacket I'm going to the pub.” She asks, “Oh, are you taking me with you?” “No, I'm turning the heating off.” ...

Jim Royle. Classic.

 

[MG Clive]

 

[Ian Key]

View attachment 41563

 

[MG Clive]

That's a load of b******** Ian

 

[Ian Key]

That's a load of b******** Ian

It's the last item on the list

 

[LenEV2016]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Anna

Anna who?

Anna partridge in a pear tree!

 

[LenEV2016]

What would Bears be without Bee's?

Ears!!

I'll get my coat

 

[LenEV2016]

What's the best present you can get at Christmas?

A broken drum..

You can't beat it

 

[salty]

Started on my Advent calendar this morning. Got a bit carried away.
Mmmm, lovely!

 

[Ian Key]

Started on my Advent calendar this morning. Got a bit carried away.
Mmmm, lovely!

View attachment 41612

You're only supposed to open one door each day not one advent calendar