Joke thread

[LenEV2016]

 

[LenEV2016]

Response to a certain members weather reports

 

[OriginalBigAl]

Response to a certain members weather reports

How do you know he calls his " joey " ????

 

[LenEV2016]

How do you know he calls his " joey " ????

According to that picture he could keep calling it but it appears to be lost

 

[decrep]

Trust my wife to see this correlation.

 

[T1 Terry]

View attachment 41669

I didn't get a laugh when I posted that one ages back, maybe it wasn't the joke, but the way I told it


T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

I went back to the beginning of this thread to look for the last time I posted the dead child meme ..... there certainly wasn't a contributor or post award back then .....

Another fun thing that stood out to me was the same time last yr, we were at around the 10 page mark ..... 51 pages this yr ..... and this one

If we had only known how true that was ......

 

[Ian Key]

One thing they don't tell you about retirement is how much it bloody rains.

 

[Susanna]

One thing they don't tell you about retirement is how much it bloody rains.

…….and that you never get a day off!

 

[T1 Terry]

One thing they don't tell you about retirement is how much it bloody rains.

Doesn't the rain melt the snow off your car in your avatar? Or does that require AI rain

 

[T1 Terry]

…….and that you never get a day off!

and the pay is woeful, condition dreadful and the boss is a tyrant ..... the only part that was better was when the workshop was still standing, the conditions were better and I had a shed to do my jobs in ...... when the boss lady went on one of those "trip to the shops" that lasts until after the shops are closed and she can drive the 100kms back from Adelaide pay was still as bad .....

T1 Terry

 

[JohnV6]

 

[T1 Terry]

View attachment 41708

I first heard that one with Margaret Thatcher and it was "killed the old cow"

 

[salty]

 

[T1 Terry]

Always time for a drink I've found, as I get older, I seem to drink less ..... but I spill a lot more out of the first couple ...... It does make using those paint spray cans a lot easier ..... by the time I get the stupid locked on cap off, it's already fully mixed

T1 Terry

 

[salty]

Someone asked me the other day. Are you in the Christmas Spirit. Said course I am, i'm in the, Bailey's, Southern Comfort, Wine and Beer.

 

[Ian Key]

THE SCOTTISH CHRISTMAS FAIRY

I am a little fairy
On tap o' the Christmas Tree
It's no' a job I fancy
Well how would you like tae be me?

Aw tarted up wi' tinsel
It's enough to mak ye boak
An a couple o' jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' yer frock.

An' these wee lights a'roon me
I canna get ma sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa ......Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day A'm stuck up here
While you're a' wirin' in
An' naebody says, "Hey you up there
Could ye go a slug o' gin?

It's nae joke bein' a fairy
The job's beyond belief
You've got to go roon' the wean's beds
And lift their rotten teeth

But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets
An' I've mentioned only some
The very worst is sitting up a tree
Wi' pine needles up yer bum

When a' the fairies meet again
By the light of' the silvery moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies
They're the wans that canna sit doon

The Christmas tree's a bonny sight
As the firelight softly flickers
But think o' me A'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in ma knickers

So soon as Christmas time's right by
An' A stop bein' sae full o' cheer
A'll get awa back tae Fairyland
An' A'll see yous a' next year.

By Frances Dunlop 1993​