Joke thread

[LenEV2016]

It used to be a Christmas tradition for our whole family to go down to the pub, come home after a few hours and deck the halls…

To be honest, I'm surprised the Halls carried on living next door for as long as they did!

 

[Gomev]

Shopping recently and saw this, genuine.

 

[LenEV2016]

Me: "Do you have any books on turtles?"

Librarian: "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads."

 

[LenEV2016]

Tesco just arrived with the Christmas delivery. The driver handed me a bag and said ‘There’s a couple of substitutions, here’s your sprig of rosemary and haddock’

I said to him ‘This isn’t the thyme or the plaice’.

 

[Black estate]

Tesco just arrived with the Christmas delivery. The driver handed me a bag and said ‘There’s a couple of substitutions, here’s your sprig of rosemary and haddock’

I said to him ‘This isn’t the thyme or the plaice’.

Groan

 

[T1 Terry]

Tesco just arrived with the Christmas delivery. The driver handed me a bag and said ‘There’s a couple of substitutions, here’s your sprig of rosemary and haddock’

I said to him ‘This isn’t the thyme or the plaice’.

 

[T1 Terry]

Got a Tee Shirt for the first wife ..... I know you've never met her, so you won't realise just how much of a bargain that was .......

T1 Terry

 

[T1 Terry]

Tesco just arrived with the Christmas delivery. The driver handed me a bag and said ‘There’s a couple of substitutions, here’s your sprig of rosemary and haddock’

I said to him ‘This isn’t the thyme or the plaice’.

Had to Google what a "plaice" was, surprised to see it's an Australian fish, I was guessing it's a Sole, like a small flounder, but generally white/silver rather than the dark back on a flounder, but they are different yet again .... so not sure I've ever seen or tasted one ..... might be because they all end up in the UK

T1 Terry

 

[Ian Key]

A driver who wanted to flee,
From the fumes of the old MPG,
Plugged in at the park,
With a bright, silent spark,
And hummed through the town, fume free.

Courtesy of AI

 

[johnb80]

I've just found out my 84 year old neighbour is alone today following the loss of his wife earlier this year. I've just been round to borrow his spare chairs

 

[T1 Terry]

 

[T1 Terry]

 

[Archev]

View attachment 42179

Easy - official sun up already 03:45 today and increasing to 04:00 on January 8th .

We’ll see

 

[Gomev]

Easy - official sun up already 03:45 today and increasing to 04:00 on January 8th .

We’ll see

You have a very early sunrise !

In Leeds sun up is 08:23 on both those days and sunset is 15:50 and 15:59. (We are in the period of the latest sunrises in the year)

Come the end of January it will still be light (just) at 5pm.

 

[Archev]

You have a very early sunrise !

In Leeds sun up is 08:23 on both those days and sunset is 15:50 and 15:59. (We are in the period of the latest sunrises in the year)

Come the end of January it will still be light (just) at 5pm.

Well done Pike - wondered if anyone would notice